A Day In The Life of a Stubbly Troll

My first blog

I signed onto this site to be able to write some comments to an author I just found.  I finished a book of his, and I absolutely LOVED it.  I read what he wants in a woman in his blog, and it was quite moving, so I wanted to comment on that.  As he had asked for our opinions on what we think he left out, I wanted to reply.  Alas and alack, I could not reply without joining WordPress.com.  So, I did.  Much to my surprise, I found out I now have a blog.  I’ve never really been interested in a blog, but I figgered, what they hey, I might write in this one from time to time.  I am quite unreliable, and it will be quite boring, but I don’t really care.  It’s my blog to write about my boring home life, as long as I follow the rules.  So, here I am.  I do not share identifying information about my family if I can help it.  If I mention my family or friend’s names, they will be entirely different, and usually different each time, as I cannot remember from one time to the next what I have called someone.  For instance, my darling daughter may be Esmeralda one day, and George the next.  Or I may just refer to her as DD  (darling daughter, dear son, dear aunt, dear uncle, dear friend, etc.).  If I offer to do bodily harm, I am not serious, I am just blowing off steam, as I am NOT a violent person.  I do yell from time to time, as my children will attest.

Oh, what else was I fixin’ to say?  It will come to me, I reckon.  So, here I am, writing the first note in my blog, just as the instructions are instructing me to do.  It has a box down there for tags, I have no idea what that means, probably I won’t use it, unless someone tells me what it is, and it is useful.

A little bit about myself?  I am a twenty-two year Navy wife, widowed, unfortunately.  I have two grown Navy brats, who grew up in the Navy, have spent more time as Navy brats than as civilians.  And well,  I just won’t go there……..  I am originally from the south, but not the “deep” south.  I’m from Kentucky.  Kinda between Eastern KY, and South Central KY.  No man’s land, as it were.  A great place to be from…….  I went to college for regular education and special education, because that’s what my mother wanted, and didn’t use it, as it is very hard to teach when one is taking up stakes every three years.  I was lucky enough to get to stay at home and care for my family.  It was hard, financially, as military families do not get everything given to them on a golden platter, as everyone told me when we were fighting the cold war, I don’t know what people think now, but it was every bit worth it.

It was also hard to rear my family because I suffer from mental illness.  I feel no stigma attached to my illness, it is just like HTN or diabetes.  More people need to know that.  That way maybe more people could get the help they so desperately need.  I have bipolar disorder, anxiety disorder, and depression.  I didn’t know this when I was younger, this is just all come out in the last few years.   Just an aside about anxiety disorder, it needs to be renamed.  It sounds like such a benign disorder.  ANXIETY.  Oh, I am anxious, We are having a meeting at work, and I am worried sick about it.  After the meeting is over, the anxiety is over, and it goes away.  Anxiety disorder is not like that.  It is a debilitating monster that can cause some people to become prisoners in their own homes, scared of their own shadows.  It is a horrible disease, comes in varying degrees, just like any other disease, but just as crippling as all other major disorders.

I’m going to eat a potato now.  (BTW, when “I” was young, we learned to spell potato, potatoe)

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Comments on: "My first blog" (2)

  1. Hello,
    I absolutely love what you said about anxiety. I also suffer from an anxiety disorder that is by characterized most colorfully by the onset of sudden panic attacks. I agree with you one hundred percent that it isn’t just some benign disorder, it’s so serious that it can be debilitating. I look forward to your posts in the future! 🙂

    • Thank you, Kimmi. There will be more posts regarding my anxiety, as I plan to follow my symptoms and attacks, and try to find out what kind of anxiety I have. I found that idea on someone else’s blog, and, unfortunately, forgot to follow her before I left. I am new at this, and the learning curve is steep for me. Even though my anxiety is fairly well controlled with medication, it is not controlled completely, so I struggle with it more than I would like. My doctor doesn’t seem to mind, and I guess the option of more medication is not a good one.

      I think it was Sunday morning I woke up with my heart pounding like a sledge hammer. My heart rate is normally 60, so what health care professionals consider normal–80 to 100–well, too much after 80 and it begins to get extremely dicey. I was very uneasy, but have no idea why. I tried my deep breathing technique, which helped, but as soon as I stopped, it shot right back up again. I took my medicine, and it worked for a little bit. And that was my Sunday. I wonder if I was anxious because I didn’t go to church?

      Panic attacks? I have some weird panic attacks. My right hand will start shaking like a weed in a tornado. It lasts anywhere from 30 seconds to 15 minutes. I’ve tried holding it still, to sitting on it. It is embarrassing walking through a store with delirium tremors in one arm. Of course, the panic attack exacerbates the panic attack…….

      And enough of my rambling. Here’s to a wonderful, anxiety free day, and gentle hugs. {{{{{{H}}}}}} Stubbs

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