Teaching Baby Sheets To Graze

Yes, you read it correctly, I said sheets.  And, as you know I talk a lot, so all will be explained.

For years, I’ve been yearning to go to our local paper and offer to proofread it.  How bad is it?  Let’s just say it adds humor to our week.  For instance, the title of one article was Dangerous Investigation of Accident………     Whoa, that must have been some kind of investigation.

Last week there was information about a grazing in a fairly near town.  It was about cows, goats, sheets, and other animals that I don’t remember.  Sheets just knocked the rest of them out of my head!

DD read it and I said , yeah, that’s the article you told me about the other day.  The one with sheets in it.

She wondered what the class was about.  I said it was to teach baby sheets to graze.  They are born unable to graze you know.   “So what are baby sheets?  Are they pillow cases?  You know, when you open the package of sheets, the pillowcases fall out?”  Because of her hand gestures, and the way her voice trailed off, I was ROTFL.  I laughed and laughed.  Then, my little girl kitten got in the act, stood up by my chair and looked at me, as only a kitten can.  That, of course, caused me to laugh harder, which caused her to look more perplexed, and pretty soon, tears were streaming down my face.

DS walked in while DD and I were laughing.  He was standing there tapping his foot, and pretending to time how long we laughed, which sent me into more peals of laughter, which just perplexed my kitten even more, etc.

We explained to him about the class for people to learn how to teach their baby sheets to graze.  His sister asked where the baby sheets were.  “They’re in the maternity ward, of course.”  More laughter.  Then she asked why he hadn’t put any baby sheets upstairs with her.  (He’s been putting extra bedding in stowage upstairs, in the other room).  “Because you shake them!  You can’t handle them.  Stop crying baby sheet, I can’t stand it–shake, shake, shake (while shaking a baby is NOT EVER acceptable, EVER, we do not feel that joking about shaking something that is not real is a problem.  We never have, or never would, shake a REAL baby, nor would we let someone else shake a baby. )

So, that is the story about the grazing class in our local newspaper.  I’ve thought, as I’ve said, often and long, about begging them to let me proofread their paper.  However, after learning that baby sheets need to be taught to graze, I think I’ve changed my mind…..